Sunday, August 28, 2011

Sunday Night

It's taken me all weekend to get through a Real Simple magazine.
There is still a maze of clean laundry on the guest bed.
We still have (small) touch-ups to completely finish our renovation marathon.
My lists are still fairly neat as relatively few things have been marked off of them.

But I have taken a nap, watched 4 movies, played with my dogs, grilled out, and laughed with my precious husband.

And said precious husband and I are getting ready to go get some fro-yo as a reward for changing the sheets and doing the dishes.

I refuse to succumb to the Sunday Night Syndrome that attacks more people than you would think (even Regis Philbin and Kelly Ripa, who clearly have the best jobs in the world have mentioned their own invariable anxieties that relentlessly come on Sunday nights.) I'm going to be happy and satisfied with my weekend. I'm going to keep my record of a whole seven days without a meltdown. I'm going to be grateful for everything we have.

It's been a good weekend. Have a great week!

Sunday, August 21, 2011

And the Follow-up

My snuggle buddy

So my follow-up appointment was Wednesday. What an event that was...

I have to first make a point that this week has been a roller-coaster of emotions for me. Last night after yet another meltdown and being purely exhausted from my own ups and downs, I told Michael, "it must seem like you're living with Sybil." Hopefully it's not been quite that bad, but my poor husband has had his hands full with me this week. So when my follow-up appointment rolled around, I don't think I was quite as prepared as I would have liked to be. I did not have my type-A list of questions prepared, I was crazed from work, and after all, the hard part (surgery) was over, so as long as my incisions were healing like they should be, I was all good, right?

Well, I was all good. Even better than I thought.

My incisions, swelling, etc. all looked good and I seemed to be healing well. I got to see lots of gross pictures that didn’t look anything like what I remember from my high school health book. As it turns out, I had A LOT of aggressive endometriosis on my uterus and ovaries, and some on the abdominal wall. My doctor was pleased that the surgery was successful in the fact that she was able to remove everything she found since it wasn’t on any other vital organs, and felt confident that I should feel better soon. Great!
She then emphasized that I would be most fertile after my next cycle, and that as soon as I felt up to it, my prescription was to start trying again – that she would like to see a positive pregnancy test within the next couple of months., gasp...
I’m glad we had gotten most of the informational portion of appointment out of the way already because at this point, she may as well have been singing show tunes to me because I was totally gone – my mind was running 100 different ways and I could barely even focus when she was asking me if I had any other questions. She said that pregnancy is the only sure-fire way to prevent the endometriosis from coming back and that while she likes me, she doesn’t want to have me on the operating table every two years. That was the last thing I heard.

Okay - I knew the whole purpose of this surgery was improved fertility, but I guess I was expecting to hear something more along the lines of, “So, let’s see how we do for the next 6 months to a year and then we’ll come back to the table to review some options if there still hasn't been a pregnancy.” Nope. Get preggo by Thanksgiving or we’re going to the next option.

Don't get me wrong, I was completely elated. Unfortunately, my analytical mind was on overload and I ended up freaking out about all the possibilities, what may or may not be, what-ifs about babies and pregnancy and work and money…I was total wreck. Michael was so supportive - we talked through it and prayed about it, and I was better - for the most part. I still couldn't get over the timing and 'rush' of everything. I had to keep reminding myself that even with doctor's orders, God is still in charge and His timing will prevail, regardless.

I didn't have long to worry about everything because the next day I was back in horrible pain - the surgery had jump-started my next cycle and I was so sick. So much for 'feeling better' - it was like my insides were angry with me and wanted to get in one (hopefully final) punch. I don't remember Friday and I rested most of the day yesterday. I'm finally feeling partially back to normal today, both physcially and emotionally. I'm sure Michael is thankful.

Sunday, August 14, 2011


As it would happen, I go on a month-long blog hiatus and more happens during that month than has happened all summer! I have a lot to cover in the next few posts but for now, I'm still rebounding - or more appropriately, recovering.
I had an appointment with a new gyno on July 14. She came highly recommended and I was getting to a point where I knew something was going to have to be done - beyond the infertility issues, I was just not well. Monthly cycles were getting worse and worse and starting to cause more problems, so I reluctantly scheduled the appointment, thinking I was going to end up with the same frustrating results as before along with another attempt at covering the problem with fertility drugs. I couldn't have been more wrong. This doctor was wonderful, asking questions and actually listening to my answers. It was clear from the beginning that her goal was to treat me, and whatever problems I was experiencing first and foremost, then based on my issues, deal with the infertility as necessary. After a lengthy chat about my history of ovarian cysts and an exam, it didn't take long for her to suspect endometriosis.
Oh dear, another ugly word.
I didn't want to hear that, but at this point, I can't say I was surprised. She explained to me the problems endo can cause, and my symptoms were lining up perfectly. Unfortunately, the only way to diagnose and effectively treat endo is through surgery. So after weighing the options of 'guessing' at treatments and most likely prolonging everything for months or diving right into surgery to find and possibly treat the main problem, with the help and suggestion of my doc we decided that surgery was the best option.
My surgery was scheduled for August 10th, and after that, everything was a blur. Between work, home renovations, and preparing for surgery that was going to knock me out for at least a few days, time flew. Michael and I were beyond exhausted trying to get the house to a 'finished' point so I could come home to a comfortable place after surgery (pictures of that to come later.) It wasn't only crazy for us: since my doctor is in Glasgow, my surgery was there, so my mom worked herself into a frenzy trying to get ready for school to start and preparing for a patient since I would come 'home' to her house for a couple of days to recover. We were all actually ready for the much-needed break when I went in last Wednesday.
Everything went really well for the surgery - TJ Samson Hospital was wonderful. I was well-prepared and felt very taken care of. I remember a lot of details about going into surgery and waking up, especially when my doctor came to tell me the good news (yes, good) that I did in fact have endometriosis and that she was able to treat much of it. My biggest fear was that we would go through all of this for nothing - that she wouldn't find anything. Fortunately the results were desirable and hopefully this is the beginning of a promising recovery on many levels, including improved fertility.
While I'm glad there was a positive outcome, it hasn't all been a piece of cake: anesthesia is never fun and recovering from that is always difficult for me. The pain has been manageable (it was laproscopic surgery, so I have 3 small incisions instead of one large one) but the soreness has lingered much longer than I expected. My hormones are clearly out of whack, as evidenced from a day-long meltdown yesterday. And returning to "normalcy" is proving a little more difficult than I anticipated - with hormones heightened, everything is a tragedy. (I will laugh at this one day, but not today...) The welcomed stall in everything last week is now a very UNwelcome lack of motivation! I'm trying to stay positive, remembering all of the good things that have come of this, and take just one day at a time to get back in the swing of things. I'm praying people will be patient with me as I readjust. Maybe I should ask for prayer for my patience as I readjust...
My favorite flowers and a card from my sweet husband
I can't say a big enough "thank you" to my parents, Michael, and my friends - especially Amy! - who helped me so much this week. I'm so very blessed to have such sweet people to care for me when I need it most.

The End

My incessant need for closure has led me to post a final farewell to this blog. Blogging was a whole new concept for me when I logged on l...