Wednesday, November 30, 2011

Light a Candle

The holidays are challenging - for everyone in some form or fashion. Like I said in a post last year, our problems don't pack up and head to Florida for the holidays, they hauntingly stick around, trying to steal joy and ruin festive blessings. We've all experienced it. I've admittedly spent far too much time during holidays past sulking about my circumstances. And even though Michael and I are maneuvering some treacherous times right now, we are still extremely fortunate, especially in comparison to what others may be facing.
In years past, usually around Christmas Eve, I find myself wishing I had done more for people much less fortunate than myself (regardless of the nature of what my holiday season may have been.) My heart breaks for those that don't have a loving family to share a delicious meal with in a home warmed by a fire, those who are dealing with the terminal illness of a loved one, and most recently, the children who may never know the joy of all things Christmas. Without fail, even amidst my own warmth and joy, I look back with regret that I didn't choose one more Salvation Army angel, or donate more of my time serving others.
While we can only do so much to support donation-based charities and have limited time to serve outside of heavy work schedules, I prayed for God to show me a way we could help, in spite of these limitations. The answer came clearly.

Avalon's song, "Light a Candle" became one of my favorite songs several years ago when their Christmas album entered my regular rotation. It speaks volumes to what this season is truly all about. Then it hit me: correct me if  I'm wrong, but in some religions, it is a common practice to light candles in a church for each person you pray for - the key is not the candle, but the prayer the candle represents.
I can pray. For free. And I'm going to.
Each day this Christmas season, I will diligently get on my knees as ask God to bless those that are experiencing loss, tragedy, illness, etc. I will pray for those who need God's transformation. And I will especially pray for those "children who need more than presents can bring." Please, if you know of a person, a family, or have an unnamed request, please email me your request and be confident that a prayer will be said for that person(s). Maybe you can do the same - a whole army of prayer warriors may just make a difference this Christmas, even if for one person.

Thursday, November 24, 2011


Thanksgiving Day comes, by statute, once a year; to the honest man it comes as frequently as the heart of gratitude will allow. ~Edward Sandford Martin

Thursday, November 17, 2011

Pit Dwelling

I haven't posted in a bit. You can add that to your thankful list because unless you want to sit down at your computer for some good ole fashioned barkin' and moanin' then be glad I've withheld. At the same time, it's sad to me that someone as blessed as I am can say that. I really shouldn't have anything to complain about. I really should be so grateful for all of our blessings. And while I try diligently not to complain and to be as thankful as possible, sometimes my flesh gets the best of me and I fall flat on my face into self-pity, worry, and distrust. It's so destructive - to my relationships, my health, my job - everything. My faith shrinks until it's tiny, my body aches, my prayers hit the ceiling, and my joy is nowhere to be found. It's horrible. While I know all of these things, it seems I can't do anything to turn back around and regain the strength I need. That's where I've been - thrown back into a pit. It gets dirty down here. Wanna come play?

You, Lord, brought me up from the realm of the dead; you spared me from going down to the pit. - Psalm 30:3

All joking aside, I do have to admit that I'm tired. I'm tired of living in survival-mode. I'm tired of Murphy's Law applying to every single thing of every single day sometimes - just when we think the momentum has shifted and we're enjoying a tiny bit of life, something comes along and knocks the wind out of us and leaves us breathless, AGAIN. I'm tired of constantly having to work at everything; NOTHING is without constant attention and WORK. (I'm not a naturally positive, glass-half-full kinda takes a lot of work to smile all day, to hide the pain.) But most of all, I'm just tired of being tired.

But those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint. - Isaiah 40:31

I'm a smart person though - I know a lot of things: I know things could be much worse. I know that I have a family who loves and cares about me. I know God is much bigger than all of the things I struggle with. I know that I have received more blessing than I deserve. I know that those who believe, receive. I know that the Bible it says that God disciplines those he loves. I know he must love us A LOT.

As you know, we count as blessed those who have persevered. You have heard of Job’s perseverance and have seen what the Lord finally brought about. The Lord is full of compassion and mercy. - James 5:11

So by now you've probably figured out that our first round of Clomid was not a successful attempt. In fact, it was a big fat EPIC fail. I guess we keep trying. And hoping. We also have been reminded of the shroud of financial troubles from the now almost 3-year-old company closure that still haunt us. That's getting old, but it looks as if I'm going to have to suck it up, take it as it comes, and be as much support to my husband as possible. No time to be tired. It takes a lot of work to believe for miracles, but regardless of how much work it is and how dark this pit gets, I guess I'm still just crazy enough to keep believing.

If you believe, you will receive whatever you ask for in prayer. - Matthew 21:22

Sunday, November 6, 2011

I Got Nuthin'

I realized it was November and I've planned more for Christmas than ever before, but have accomplished suprisingly little toward those plans.

Football season is at it's peak. I inherently think it is my duty to attempt to watch/listen to/keep up with every game. For some reason. (CATS win! TOPS win! TEBOW WINS!, was an interesting game.)

The time changed. Good for many reasons, but namely because now I won't be driving directly into the sun on my way home.

Looking back on the past couple of weeks, I've felt remarkably "normal." I'm very thankful for this. Michael is too.

Our weekend was unexpectedly busy, but in a good way - so much so that when I sat down tonight I couldn't even remember what I meant to have accomplished by today. I'm sure blogging was one of them. So that's why I'm blogging. About nothing. 

I am so unbelievably torn up about my first "class" at work tomorrow. Months of preparation and I feel so unprepared, nervous, and ill-equipped. I dreamed last night that I had to perform 4 different interpretive dances, one using Christmas lights as a prop, to be judged by an interesting panel of celebrity judges with just minutes to prepare. I blame my job-induced worry/panic for such a dream.

I need to organize my Pinterest boards, as they do not come close to reflecting my interests. Maybe that was one of the things I was supposed to get done.

After all the aforementioned worrying about work, I have failed to capitalize on the joy that is having a four-day week to look forward to this week. That certainly puts a positive spin on all the fretting...

So I hope all of you are enjoying your November! Don't get so wrapped up in Christmas preparation that we forget about the glory of this season of Thanksgiving. (It's as much a reminder to myself as anything else.) I'm thankful for so much. SO MUCH. God is so good.

The End

My incessant need for closure has led me to post a final farewell to this blog. Blogging was a whole new concept for me when I logged on l...